One more week

One more week. I can do this just one more week. One more week and I am done with college. One more week that is all. But this last week is killing me. Blood sugars insane running large ketones from stress and not really sleeping. Trying to finish my seminar paper and then add on all the other research papers for my 5 other classes and then finals. Endo wants me on strict bed rest because of the ketones but I don't have time for that. Let me make it through this one LAST week. I can do this, I need to do this, I have to do this. Diabetes sucks
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Happy Anniversary

So I have been watching Body of Proof lately since the daughter of the main character was diagnosed with diabetes. I mainly started watching to see how they were going to handle the D diagnosis on the show but have found that I actually really like the show even without D. So last episode they showed her putting on her pump (the actress is actually diabetic) and how her mom was meddling in her business and how it irritated her. I actually found it right on point. Since my diagnosis (today is actually my anniversary so happy anniversary to me) I do not think I have gone a day without my mom asking how my sugar has been. I know most people would say hey I am almost 25, I am married and what not why is my mom still meddling with my health but I do not see it as meddling. It is a comfort that she still asks, that she still wants to be apart of my diabetic part of life. Even though I am 24 years old and I have 10 years of this under my belt I still take comfort knowing that my mom and dad are there for me and they want to be there to support me and they want to be apart of not just me but also my diabetes. I know I went through many years were I found it annoying but I look back now and I am thankful that she was so worried about me, that she made me take care of myself, that she did meddle. I am thankful for her support, I am thankful that she has been there. And to all you parents out there with D kids they too will go through a time were they are sick of you asking about their diabetes but continue to ask, continue to be pushy when it comes to their health they will thank you in the long run. So in honor of 10 years being a part of a club I never wanted to join I want to thank my mom and dad for making me a responsible diabetic.

Endo

Yesterday was my 3 month visit with the endo. I love Dr. R he is great. We discussed my upcoming float trip and he said even though animas is waterproof he thought it would probably be better to disconnect and just take a novolog pen with me. I asked about maybe taking a little lantus b/c its 6 hours he said no just to check every hour and if I need to bolus just shoot up. After looking at my graphs and everything I brought he also suggested that I bolus a unit or 2 before I excersise b/c as he put it "None of you type 1's go by the book and you are all crazy different" and I am just one of those weird people who spike with exercise. Thanks doc.
We also talked about pregnancy (did I really just type that). Ok still kinda freaking out that this is even been brought up. I just don't know how I feel about it. I feel excited but also it scares the shit out of me. Stephen is thrilled to be talking about it but I don't think he knows what all pregnancy and the kid that comes at the end entails. He just keeps telling me everything will just work out. He seems to think its going to be a peice of cake however he isn't the one with diabetes or the one pushing the kid out. It would be so much easier if he was the one pushing the kid out. Maybe someone can Fedex us a kid that seems so much less painful. Seriously I am NERVOUS!! Well doc said my A1c was pretty good (6.2) but he would like it lower and he is also worried that it was lower because of all the lows I have so he would like me to work on it. That being said he is sending in the order for the Dexcom and we are hoping insurance approves. Send me good thoughts on getting a Dex fast and easy =)
Now back to my seminar paper (which is killing me at this moment but that is for another post)

What would you do?

In a couple of weeks my environmental history class is going on a field trip to float the Buffalo river here in Arkansas. We are camping on Friday then floating on Saturday. Stephen is going with me since I just do not feel comfortable making my class or professor responsible in case something really crazy happens with my blood sugar (ie go low and pass out even though this has not happened in YEARS still gonna play it on the safe side). Now my question is what would you do with the pump? I know the Animas Ping is waterproof but I don't know if I want to risk it. We are going to be kayaking down the river on an 8 hour trip. I already know I am not going to risk my ping meter and just going to bring a couple of my one touch minis (I have a million of these since I get a new one at camp every year). Should I just do MDI for the trip or keep the pump on? I just don't know but I am going to ask a couple of my diabetic friends from camp and ask the endo on Monday to see what he says. I have about 3 weeks to figure it out though. So what would you do?

The fear...

Everyone knows how diabetes affects the body physically; the complications, the shakes, your eye sight, your kidneys, your limbs. We all know people who are facing these complications but no one talks about the cruel mind tricks we go through. The fear that that may be our future, the fear that our disease will win. The mind tricks that get played over and over every time a too high or too low number shows up on our meter. And now that I am an adult and married the fear that my genes hold this horrible disease that I may pass on to my children. That is my greatest fear that my future kids will be saddled with this and it would be my fault. I have talked incessantly with Stephen about this. I do not think he understands why I fear this so much. He just tells me who better to lead a child through these murky waters of diabetes then a mother with diabetes. I don't want to lead my children through this. I don't want my children to ever have the pain, the fear, the loneliness that this disease brings. I don't want them to loose their carefree childhood to this and this is what I fear the most. I am not saying I didn't have an amazing childhood because I did but it was not the same as other kids and I knew it. I knew I was different, I knew I had to do things other kids didn't, and for a long time I thought I was the only one and I was so lonely. I do not want that for my children. I want them to run and play and not have to stop. I want them to be able to eat cake and ice cream at a birthday party without ever thinking about it.
I know kids are in my future at some point and I will have to face the fear that one of them may become diabetic and I hope I can create an environment my parents did. Diabetes is just apart of me but it does not define me. I just hope it will not define any future children I may have. 

Please explain to me this

So I have started this couch to 5K. I am wanting to be toned for this summer. So I check my sugar before I start I like to be around 150. I think I wont go low and I will end probably in the 90-100 range... WRONG!! Of course it doesn't do what I think its gonna do. Guess what I am not even close and no I am not low. I was freaking 303 when I got out of the shower after my run!! I checked ketones none there but seriously!! SERIOUSLY! 303! Did my body go into shock? Can anyone explain to me why my BG went up instead of the normal going down? Isn't that what is supposed to happen? I always thought when you exercised your blood sugar starts to drop or have I been completely wrong about that this whole time? BTW this has not just happened once its happening every time I run... Maybe I need to find a new exercise...

Thankful

 I know I complain a lot about diabetes but this is what I am thankful for:
I am not thankful for diabetes but I am thankful that I was born in a country and time that I have access to treatment. You see a little over a year ago my 7 year old nephew was diagnosed with a disease that is 100% fatal and has absolutly no treatment.He has as Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy. DMD is a horrible muscle wasting disease and over time he will loose the ability to run, to walk, to breathe and eventually even his heart will give out. Diabetes maybe a complete pain in the butt and SO hard to control but I at least have the opportunity to try. Because of insulin I am at least given the opportunity to grow old, to reach my dreams, to live. Despite the fact that it hurts to prick my finger, that my site change hurts, that sometimes my pumps gives the insulin a little too fast and it hurts I am given the chance to survive. I am grateful, so very very grateful. I hope everyday for a cure but I know I will survive, I will live because right now I at least have a treatment and for that I am grateful.